May 10th, 2006, I’m 11, outside playing with my friends. Just a normal kid until I went inside to get a popsicle. My Mom is on the phone crying. My whole world changed when she said, “Kenny’s gone.” He was my Dad and lived six hours away; it had been four years since I last saw him. My whole existence died when my Dad took his own life.

Throughout my teenage years, I was angry. I hated my Dad for leaving and was mad at the world and everyone else. At 18, I gave birth to my daughter Isabella. Boy! When I was pregnant with her, I was really angry. Then I remember the day I found peace with my Dad being gone. I was seven months pregnant with Isabella. Even though I hated my Dad, I would regularly talk to him. I forgave him for leaving me the way he did. Fast forward two more years, and I gave birth to my son Kendre Rayjon Anderson. I wasn’t so angry, so I named him after my Dad. I gave him my Dad’s initials, KRA. I have the same initials. There was a point in my pregnancy when I didn’t think I could care for another child. Adoption was a heavy thought for me. I remember the day I talked to my Dad about it, and he said, “keep him, he will have my eyes, and he will stand tall like me.” Kendre is the spitting image of my Dad. He definitely has his big green eyes.

I remember having to write a paper in elementary school about the worst day of my life. I wrote about the day my Dad died, which became“The Day My Dad Died.” Then the year 2020 came, and I experienced the worst day of my adult life when I temporarily lost custody of my son due to bad relationships and declining mental health. Once again, I felt my entire world change. Yet again, my existence died. It was an eye-opener that I had to get my life together. I talked to my Dad a lot during that time. Saying to him, “Daddy, please help me get him back. I can’t live without him.” I frequently called the Suicide Hotline. Then I spiritually woke up and started a journey of healing. Funny how the worst days of our lives become the best days.

Two years later, in 2022, I continue to heal, grow and learn. It’s been 17 years since I lost my Dad, and I’m 28. I am just three weeks away from buying my first house. Today, I have been free from bad, toxic relationships for over a year. I’m no longer angry. I love myself in so many ways beyond my appearance. I’m in love with all I have become and at peace with all the bad that happened in the past. Today, I miss my Dad, but we are closer than before he was gone. Today, I am free! Today, I am proud of who I am and all I have accomplished. Having to dig into my heart to write this has been emotionally difficult. But it has allowed me to reflect. The reflection reminded me that I am still healing daily and growing. I know my Dad is still with me every day. And as the tears flow, I remember reading somewhere that crying is healing. Therefore, I will express gratitude daily for all things.

"Father, Lord in Heaven -

Thank you for giving me the capacity to purchase this house. I pray for the environment that we are going to live in. Let it be an environment that will help me grow spiritually.

I pray that you remove any bad influences that may cause me to stray from your word. Let our children thrive in that environment. Let them be able to focus on their education and live a life after your own heart. Let them not be lured into any bad company. Protect them from any evil that plans to befall them. Let them live prosperous lives here and always seek to be under your light. Bless their hearts and order their steps into glory. Cause them to live according to your word. Let us not be targeted by any evil plans. Keep this house grounded in your glorious harmony and love. Keep us away from any disasters or troublemakers.

AMEN"

Daddy,

As I sit here and think of what I can say, all I can think is that I miss you. I have written hundreds of letters, but no other people will read them. This one is extra special. It's dedication day! Since the day I got the Habitat acceptance letter, I knew you and uncle Curt was behind all of it. Little did I know you would give me the strength, and courage, and will to follow through. This past year I've put in more than sweat. I've put in tears. When I felt like giving up, I had to come here when the guys were off to lunch and talk to you. I would beg you to keep me in this. When it was overwhelming and terrifying, I'd sit here when only the foundation and studs of the house were up. When I was cussing the goo to be gone, I had to stop and talk to you. You got me here. I look for you in every crowd. At Walmart, at the park, in the car next to me at the red light, as I stand here listening to Cat read my letter to you, I'm looking for you in the crowd of people at our new home. What makes this easier is that you're standing next to me. Daddy, this is one of my three greatest accomplishments. Thank you. I wouldn't have any of this without you by my side, spiritually pushing me to grow, heal and prosper. I wouldn't have the courage to want better for my family. I wouldn't have the strength to put in the work. I've worked hard for this. So thank you for being there when I was frustrated when I felt like I didn't deserve this, during the big days when Bruce poured concrete or put the roof on, on the Saturdays when I did not want to get up and go to the restore for the meetings I was nervous about. But today, I say! Thank you! Daddy!, and I miss you. Volunteering at the Salvation Army would have probably been emotionally easier than all of this, but you know we do the hard work, laugh out loud.